WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?

People say that I am CRUEL, MERCILESS, GREEDY, STUBBORN, AND MEAN.

I have to ask myself "How did I get this way?"

Maybe it's all of the broken promises that I had to endure.

Maybe it's all of those sacrifices that I made for others, expecting something back that never came back to me.

The fact that after everything that I did, all I got was the feeling of abandonment, which I know for a fact will never be consoled.

It could be the fact that I had to grow up so fast.

I thought that growing up fast meant that I would get ahead in life, but I guess not.

Not if you're tied down to something.

Not if by growing up fast and taking responsibilities automatically make you the person to depend on.

Especially not if those that depend on you make it so that your personal responsibilities come ahead of their own.

It's not fair.

No one said life was fair.

I've come to realize one thing.

You know those independent people who have their own careers that aren't disrupted by their families? Those people who have families that are completely independent and okay without them, but they are still close? Those families that recognize that they have their own lives to live and careers to fulfill?

That will never be me. I will always to the one who has to drop what I am doing for the family. The one who will be heavily criticized if I don't. The one who will always have to consider my family before me. Going out of state or even an hour away from the city will be a big issue. No matter what, I will never be free.

Sometimes I wonder why I wasn't born into a family where I felt stable, instead of feeling insecure and unsure about what could possibly happen next.

A family that thought ahead and prepared and kept their feet on the ground instead of living in dreamland.