...

I know no one reads this anymore.

College. A word that screams excitement, anxiety, and uncertainty for so many young people today.

I am a first generation college student in my immediate family.

On my mom's side, my uncle has his BA.

On my dad's side, I think that I am the 3rd or 4th to go to college.

First generation college students have so much expected of them. After all, our parents are expecting us to fulfill things that they themselves never had the chance to do.

There are many benefits of being a first generation college student such as becoming a role model for your family, but no one ever looks at how hard the job of a first generation college student is.

I remember I felt confusion as an FGCS. I was thinking about school rankings and prestige, not room to explore and grow, which is most important when choosing a college. I'm glad that I chose UCR because this is where I found my passion.

I remember during my 2nd year of H.S., I would tell teachers that I was interested in studying race, culture, ethnic literature... things of that nature, and most just said "I don't know if there is such a major in college." I guess my teachers didn't remember any ethnic studies or cultural anthropology classes.

After many twists and turns, I found the Ethnic Studies program at UCR and an I ever grateful to God that I did.

Now, time to apply for Grad School.

Coming into college, I didn't know what grad school was (I'm a FGCS and I had to learn these things on my own).

One advice that I gave to my cousin who is going to be a freshman @ UCSD was to take the GREs now, instead of later since all of the vocab and such is still fresh. I wish someone had told me this when I first entered college.

THAILAND

I haven't written about my "near-death" experience in Thailand have I?

No, not riding the elephants, but when I almost got "taken".

When we started witnessing, an old neighborhood man started coming out to all of our events and followed us everywhere, particularly me.

Surprisingly, he spoke English pretty well.

He always wore a white shirt with white pants and was extremely strong for his age (87) and rode a motor scooter everywhere.

He was always bringing us fruits and stuff.

I never liked the way he would look at me. It was scary.

Then one day, he pulled me aside quietly and asked me to go to his house with him because he had a large fruit that he wanted to bring us, but he couldn't bring it himself because it was too heavy.

Heavy indeed, this man could lift more than I could.

I got scared and asked my GSN and said "this man wants me to go to his house"

She quietly said "we don't know him, just say no"

I said "no" and he stopped coming around.

Scary.

24

my luggage is packed

my plane ticket is ready

in 24 hours,

I leave this place

WHAT THE?

ME?

LAW SCHOOL?

BECOME A LAWYER?

What the heck?

I HATE

I HATE people who steal.

People always say that hate is such a strong word. It means that you couldn't care any less than you do now if that person fell off a cliff, starved to death, or went to hell.

I HATE people who steal.

One thing that I DO support is police brutality towards shoplifters and thieves.

They violated the rights of the people they stole from to be left alone and not burglarized.

If someone gets beat up, kicked, and has his nads pulled out the old fashioned way, all I can say is that they chose to have that happen to them. PERIOD!

HAHA! I LAUGH!

sLOW!

Why does time have to play tricks on you and go slower than usual when you are waiting for something good to happen?

I wish this week would go by quicker.

I Feel Old

To think, at this time, I should have had a Bachelor's Degree, but God had other plans.

I guess I'll have to wait one more year.

People born in 1991 have finally graduated high school and are getting ready to be freshmen in college? WOW

There's going to be 1991's on UCR's Campus next year.

Makes me feel old considering that I am an 80's child.

JUNE!

June! Sweet June!

I thought June would never come.
It almost seems too good to be true, but it is.

Two Weeks and Two days Until I leave!
That's like I went on a short vacation, but I actually didn't.

LONG OVERDUE

I admire

Jevons and how he is still my friend even though I am such a crappy friend.

Daniel and how we can argue about the stupidest things and how no matter what, I know I am right (haha)

Esther and how she is so smart and resourceful

Chandler and his fun antics

James and his humor

Julie for how no matter what, she stood by me and never gave up and lost her loving heart.

I need a Chai Tea Frappe
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WHEN AN OLD PSYCHO MET AN YOUNG PSYCHO

So Today, I witnessed something extremely stupid involving two stupid people.

This one guy came in an bought a mountain dew and left. He got into his car and right when he got into his purple camero and closed his door, an old lady driving a silver mercedes (a regular customer, oddly enough) started honking at him and giving him the finger to move out of the way so she can park at the pump that he was on.

They tossed some words back and forth in the parking lot (thought I had to call the police)

so the guy came in and bought some cigarettes and asked for a paper towel and went out and started cleaning his windows while the lady kept honking her horn for him to move.

then he came back in and bought a danish and started eating it in the store, watching her from the window.

after about 20 minutes of fighting, she moved and pumped her gas.

She then came in to complain that we didn't make him move and how this generation sucks.

The new generation learns from the old is all I can say.

HAHAHA

THREE WEEKS!

MY Goodness!

to think, 6 weeks ago (which feels like yesterday), I was singing about 9 weeks, but guess what?

It's 3 weeks!

three short (or hopefully short) weeks!

YAY!

( ) Gone on a blind date
(X) Skipped school (in college)
( ) watched someone die
( ) Been to Canada
(X) Been to Mexico (numerous times)
(X) Been to Florida (Disneyworld twice and Pensecola once)
( ) Been to Hawaii
(X) Been on a plane
( ) Been on a helicopter
(X) Been lost
( ) Gone to Washington, DC
(X) Swam in the ocean
(X) Cried yourself to sleep
(X) Played cops and robbers
( ) Recently colored with crayons
(X) Sang Karaoke
(X) Paid for a meal with coins only (1.25 for a burger)
( ) Been to the top of the St. Louis Arch
(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(X) Made prank phone calls (does calling random people and hanging up count?)
(X) Been down Bourbon Street in New Orleans (I used to live a block away from there)
(X) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose (pepsi and M&M with Peanuts)
( ) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
( ) Danced in the rain-naked
(X) Written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) Been kissed under the mistletoe
( ) Watched the sunrise with someone
(X) Blown bubbles
(X) Gone ice-skating
(X) Gone to the movies
(X) Been deep sea fishing
(X) Driven across the United States
( ) Been in a hot air balloon (no, and to think I live in Temecula)
( ) Been sky diving
( ) Gone snowmobiling
( ) Lived in more than one country
(X) Lay down outside at night and admired the stars while listening to the crickets
( ) Seen a falling star and made a wish
(X) Enjoyed the beauty of Old Faithful Geyser
( ) Seen the Statue of Liberty
( ) Gone to the top of Seattle Space Needle
( ) Been on a cruise
(X) Traveled by train
( ) Traveled by motorcycle
(X) Been horse back riding (in Mongola!)
( ) Ridden on a San Francisco CABLE CAR
(X) Been to Disneyland
(X) Truly believe in the power of prayer (AMEN!)
( ) Been in a rain forest
( ) Seen whales in the ocean
( ) Been to Niagara Falls
(X) Ridden on an elephant (in Thailand!)
( ) Swam with dolphins
( ) Been to the Olympics
( ) Walked on the Great Wall of China
( ) Saw and heard a glacier calf
( ) Been spinnaker flying
( ) Been water-skiing
(X) Been snow-skiing
( ) Been to Westminster Abbey
( ) Been to the Louvre
( ) Swam in the Mediterranean
( ) Been to a Major League Baseball game
( ) Been to a National Football League game
(X) Played in the snow

four weeks

four weeks before I come back to Riverside.

yay

28 days.

can I make it? or tire out trying

KARMA

I may have written a post like this before, but here it goes.

I realize that I am one of those people (or people who are aware that) God punishes.
That's right PUNISHES! DISCIPLINES! HUMBLES!

out of love of course.

I can NEVER get away with anything.

I always see people who do whatever they want such as climbing over fences for shortcuts, sharing homework, and taking too much food from a church buffet. They show no remorse and just go one and get away with it!

But can I do it?

NO!

If I ever do anything dishonest or excessive, I get punished for it, right away!

EXAMPLES:

1. In 10th grade, went to Magic Mountain with youth group (when I was president) and told them "don't lose your parners or you're screwed!" AND I LOST MY PARTNER! more like she followed some guy that she thought was me halfway to the other side of the park! (4 hours of looking and searching (she had no phone)) ruined my entire day.

2. Freshman year, was mean to a guy, and later "used him" for a ride to the mall for banquet shopping. Thought all was well and went to go eat out afterwards, but at the restaurant, placed my order and they forgot it. Got my food 5 minutes before everyone finished and asked for the check. Lonely dining without food. Put it in a box, which I stupidly left at the restaurant.

3. Two weeks ago, realized that a customer left a dollar accidently. Could have gone after her, but didn't. Had the worst two weeks ever! Today, saw her and gave it back to her. Feeling of peace.

SOME THINGS I DON'T DO ANYMORE
1. Buy expensive clothes (they always get ruined one way or another, no matter what!) The colors malfunction (even after handwashing), jeans get ripped, shoes get ripped.

2. Look at bad stuff on the internet (I got punished badly when I did this) I still remember the last date I did this was May 9, 2004. I realized that even doing this in secret was hurting my family and not setting a good example for my brother.

3. Take what's not mine. I hate it when people take my stuff but if I take other people's stuff, I get punished.

------------
On another note, I realized that all this time, I have been complaining about my circumstances and how I can't afford the things I use to and how I can't graduate this year, but I realize that there are people who have a lot less than I do. Looking at many of the people here, A lot less.

EXAMPLES:
1. Not everyone can go to college. Most people don't have the fiancial means. For most people I've seen around here, life is just a fight for survival. With 5 brothers and sisters at home, for many, going to college is not an option.

2. Money to save. It's one thing to have money to pay the rent and for food, but it's an entire different story to have money to save. For people here, losing $5.00 is a huge deal, considering that the minimum wage isn't even $7.00.

3. Having a job. I use to be SO angry that I had to give up a white collar job at an office with my own desk and computer. I realize now, that I took that for granted. There are so many people who would kill for what I had. Here, getting promoted to manager at a fast food restaurant is a huge deal. I see parents proudly bragging that their middle aged children are managing Dairy Queens and Arby's. There are people around here who can't even find work at the market. Having a job alone is something to be very proud of, no matter what it is.

4. Decent Clothing. Here, many people wear their t-shirts inside out. Reason is, because they can't afford to do laundry. I see people wearing the same shirt with holes in it every day.

5. A loving family. So many people here have parents who had them and didn't love them. I can see it in their eyes and how they treat their children. They will buy their cigarettes and if their 5 year old kid asks for some candy, they say "No, I am getting MY stuff, you get your own"

CAN IT BE?

6 short weeks before I leave Texas?
so close,
yet so very far

As the World Turns

Things change rather quickley.
Think of all of the things that we used to have but we don't have anymore:

1. Anyone remember Robinsons May? I used to like that store.
2. What about Tower Records? They went bankrupt in 2006.
3. Charter Communications is gone.
4. I never went to Circuit City much, but that's gone too.
5. Gottschalk's is gone too. Remember the Gottschalk's department store at the Riverside Plaza? Well, the building that it was in is the only remaining building of the Original Plaza.
6. KB Toys Folded in February of this year. Surprisingly, this chain would have done REALLY well when I was younger and kids actually played with toys.
7. Mervyn's was an okay store. I went to Kohl's most of the time though.
8. Shoe Pavillion was the ONLY place where I bought shoes. Why did they go bankrupt? Now I have to find a new shoe store. This is something I will miss.
9. Steve and Barry's really wasn't my store. They sold a bunch of t-shirts with cartoons and funny phrases on them, but I don't wear those kind of clothes.
10. The Sharper Image was one store that I wished that I could afford to shop at someday. They sold a lot of cool gadgets and stuff, although I admit, most of it was too excessive.

They say more brands are in danger of being taken away like Borders Bookstores, Old Navy, KMart, Gateway, Yahoo!, and Motorola.

Tired of Texas

This morning, this one girl was like "You look like Bobby Lee"

So I made a straight face and with my famous condescending voice I said

"Do you need something"

and her smiling face dropped! haha! I completely ruined her day. I guess I can take my attitude anywhere haha!

She bought some gas and left without another word.

TEXANS ARE SOOOOOO SLOW!

My goodness!

Yesterday, my mom wanted to get some sort of a treat and we heard about this new Yogurt place that opened up here in town called YoYo's Yogurt (owned by a Korean aquaintance) and we went.

Luckily, there were only about 10 people ahead of us, but guess how long it took us to self serve our own yogurt and toppings and get to the front to weigh in. 49 cents an ounce by the way.

20 FRIKEN MINUTES!

OMG!

Why are Texans so slow? They're like having conversations in line and going like "oh lookie they have a cheesecake yogurt, oh look let's eat this" and like watching the news on the big screens and saying things like "I like that celebrity look look!"

and to make it worse, they were soooo indecisive for their toppings.

I just want to get in and out of the line b/c we know that yogurt melts and mushy yogurt tastes like poo out of a baby's diaper.

However, these people were like "is this all you have?" and like "when did you slice this fruit? is it fresh?" and asking stupid questions like "what's coconut jelly?, what's boba? what's lichee?" I guess I can't hate them for not knowing much about the Asian pop culture food.

These people were seriously taking WAY too much time to just get yogurt.

But the thing is, everyone behind us (a crowd came later) were the same. They didn't care that the line was slow (although ridiculously slow) and were just soaking up the atmosphere (which I can't deny was very well decorated.).

In the end, I paid about $7 for the both of us and we enjoyed our mushy yogurt.

Just Another Day

Okay, so I turn 22 today.

big woop.

Today is just like any day, but I wish it was a more special day.

I don't like telling people this, but whenever I had to work on holidays such as Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Years, New Years Day, Easter, and of course, today, my birthday (although it really isn't a general holiday), it feels like my heart is bleeding.

Then I get emotional.

then emotionally hard.

When people came in and were like "Merry Christmas" or "Happy New Year" or "Wow you have to work today, that sucks", I just wanted to say STFU BTCH!

Sad

I wish I could sit in the rain under an umbrella right now and think quietly to myself.

single digets

FINALLY

9 weeks before summer school starts.

not 10

not 20

9

9
9
9
9
9
9
9
9

Next week will be a sonnet of 8's perhaps

almost time to see the people I miss the most

and the one person who is always there for me.